It's Been a Tough Week, Grandad ...
This last week has had very happy moments, and awfully sad ones.
Sadly, my Grandad was buried last Friday. I am halfway across the world from him. The entire day I was at a University outing, but my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't picture what it was like, I couldn't picture it even being real. It didn't feel like it was really happening … Somewhere far away … Without me.
My mum mentioned in the car that Friday morning, that my nana was putting in a small teddybear that I gave to Grandad when I was only a child, into Grandad's coffin. It is difficult to remember what teddybear she was talking about, because I gave Grandad many things (including his family - famous Grandad Hugs), but I have a pretty good picture of what it was.
Oh Grandad. Grandad! You, lying somewhere beneath my feet, it wasn't meant to be. This wasn't meant to happen. Cancer got to you, even though it took years for it to progress at all, for you are such a strong man.
Since you died, I've learnt a great many things about you. I've learnt how vigilant you were with my mum and my uncle as children. You didn't want them getting hurt or taken away. I've learnt how you once got addicted to prescribed back pain medicine, and ever since you kicked that addiction's butt, you've been beyond weary of pills and tablets of any kind. I've learnt that you didn't help my mum learn to drive in the slightest, because you thought she was too young, but that you giggled along with mum every time you backed your precious car into trees, fences, and even other vehicles.
Oh Grandad … This is so surreal.
Last night, lying in bed with my boyfriend, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that you had cancer, that you fought as hard as you could. I dreamt that you couldn't remember anything about me any more because of the medicines trying to fight pain away from you. I dreamt that you died. I dreamt that you were buried without me present, without me reading the things I want your spirit to hear. Chris had to calm me down in the middle of the night with a storm just outside my window.
But I know you can hear me, Grandad.
I know you can see me.
I feel you near.
I know I do.
I know you watch over me, Grandad. It's what you've always done. You've constantly guided me through Life, Love, and lessons of all other kinds. And you haven't stopped. I don't think so.
You're still here, why would it stop? I know you are around me somewhere. I know your spirit protects me. I know that you will send signs to help me through parts of my life when I get scared, when I get lonely, when I get trapped.
I love you, Grandad. I know you love me too. And I know, that you know, that I will never forget you.
You're my Grandad. You will be forevermore. Whether your familiar form is here or not.
Sadly, my Grandad was buried last Friday. I am halfway across the world from him. The entire day I was at a University outing, but my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't picture what it was like, I couldn't picture it even being real. It didn't feel like it was really happening … Somewhere far away … Without me.
My mum mentioned in the car that Friday morning, that my nana was putting in a small teddybear that I gave to Grandad when I was only a child, into Grandad's coffin. It is difficult to remember what teddybear she was talking about, because I gave Grandad many things (including his family - famous Grandad Hugs), but I have a pretty good picture of what it was.
Oh Grandad. Grandad! You, lying somewhere beneath my feet, it wasn't meant to be. This wasn't meant to happen. Cancer got to you, even though it took years for it to progress at all, for you are such a strong man.
Since you died, I've learnt a great many things about you. I've learnt how vigilant you were with my mum and my uncle as children. You didn't want them getting hurt or taken away. I've learnt how you once got addicted to prescribed back pain medicine, and ever since you kicked that addiction's butt, you've been beyond weary of pills and tablets of any kind. I've learnt that you didn't help my mum learn to drive in the slightest, because you thought she was too young, but that you giggled along with mum every time you backed your precious car into trees, fences, and even other vehicles.
Oh Grandad … This is so surreal.
Last night, lying in bed with my boyfriend, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that you had cancer, that you fought as hard as you could. I dreamt that you couldn't remember anything about me any more because of the medicines trying to fight pain away from you. I dreamt that you died. I dreamt that you were buried without me present, without me reading the things I want your spirit to hear. Chris had to calm me down in the middle of the night with a storm just outside my window.
But I know you can hear me, Grandad.
I know you can see me.
I feel you near.
I know I do.
I know you watch over me, Grandad. It's what you've always done. You've constantly guided me through Life, Love, and lessons of all other kinds. And you haven't stopped. I don't think so.
You're still here, why would it stop? I know you are around me somewhere. I know your spirit protects me. I know that you will send signs to help me through parts of my life when I get scared, when I get lonely, when I get trapped.
I love you, Grandad. I know you love me too. And I know, that you know, that I will never forget you.
You're my Grandad. You will be forevermore. Whether your familiar form is here or not.
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